Your Presence Still Lingers Here
It was the full moon. Alcide had left, as usual, to meet his pack for his monthly shift. I was supposed to spend the evening with Tara and Willa, but I wouldn’t be. No, I would do the same thing I had done for the last six months.
I waited 30 minutes after he left before moving from the couch, just to be safe. I walked toward the massive armoire, taking a deep breath before opening it. I inhaled deeply. It still smelled like him. Sandalwood and the sea at winter.
I went down the ladder and looked at the cramped space. Closing my eyes I felt tears threatening to fall. I went to the build-incloset and took one of the shirts, carefully bringing it to my nose. His sweet scent calmed me. I stripped to my underwear and put his shirt on before lying down on the bed.
Six long months… So many things had happened in six months. Sam was now Bon Temps’ mayor with a baby on the way, Arlene had bought Merlotte’s which was now Bellefleur’s, Bill was a best seller author and I was with Alcide.
I was with Alcide… He was almost all moved in… I was in a healthy relationship… I was supposed to be happy… But I wasn’t. Not really.
It had been six months since I had last seen Eric, that night when he had given me back the farmhouse. The night I had rescind his invitation. The night I had told him I wanted to be the girl in the white dress again. Six months since he had vanished, left everything behind.
Completely exhausted, I finally let the tears fall. If only…
If only I had chosen him, that night after the witch fiasco.
If only I had told him I loved him and only him.
If only I hadn’t rescind his invitation.
If only I hadn’t agree to Warlow’s bargain.
My life was full of ‘if only’. I had made my bed and I had to lie in it.
I closed my eyes and fell into Morpheus’ arms. As usual, my dreams were filled with him. Sometimes they were sweet, memories of our time together while he was cursed. Sometimes he would talk to me, telling me everything I wished he’d told me while telling him all I should have told him. But mostly they were filled with nightmares… I kept seeing him, naked and in all his glory, lounging on top of a mountain, surrounded by snow. Then he would burn. I always woke up at that time. I never saw himdie.
Where was he? Was he alright? Was he with Pam? Was he thinking of me?
Tonight the dream was different. I was down in the cubby, just like I was right now, crying over what was lost… There was a knock on the door. I reluctantly went up the ladder, still dressed in his big shirt. I opened the door and here he was. Looking like the mighty Viking he was, smiling his smug grin.
“Good evening, lover.”
The dream was perfect. It was so much better than the reality I was in. A life where he wasn’t there, a life where I was lying to myself…
It was nearly 2AM when I woke up. I would need to take a shower to wash his scent from me. Alcide would smell it the moment he’d set foot in the house. I put the shirt back in the closet, made the bed and glanced one last time at the cubby.
He might be gone, wherever he was, but his presence still lingered here. And it would never leave me alone.
I closed the armoire’s door. Until next month.