Another night off, another night spent alone… It was starting to get old. And it wasn’t even the full moon! But pack business was important, more important than spending time with a girlfriend you barely ever saw. Oh, Alcide was still sweet… in his own special way. But between his work and pack businesses, it was almost as if I was still single. He would leave early in the morning, just to come back to the farmhouse in the wee hour.
We still had sex, once in a while, but it was only that, sex; a way for him to relieve the tension. Apparently I was a pretty good actress, since I’ve literally been faking it for a while now. There was nothing tender in our love making. Who am I kidding? It was no love making… I hadn’t made love in a while… If I was completely honest with myself, the only time I ever made love were the time I was with Eric.
Even with Bill it had never really been love making… Just remembering the night I had given him my virginity, I realized that sex with him had always been foreplay to feeding. With Eric… Cheese and Rice! With Eric, even though we fucked like animals there was always tenderness. He always made sure I came first, and then sought his own pleasure. And he never bit me while fucking me.
Alcide was a change from vampire. First and foremost he had a beating heart and, being a were, he was a pretty good heater during the cold winter month. And he could go out during the day. But for a telepath who could read his thoughts… Yes, being a were made it more difficult for me to read his thoughts, but I could still read them, especially when touching. He was comparing me to Debbie most of the time, but recently he had started to compare me to a Rikki and to a Danielle. From having been to a pack party earlier in our relationship, I knew that Rikki and Danielle were two female were. And from what I gathered from his memories he had slept with both of them before he started to date me. He even had a threesome with them both.
I was a doormat. A fucking doormat for a horny werewolf. Feeling tears filling my eyes, I turn toward the only thing still bringing me comfort these days. The cubby. How I had hated that damn cubby at first, but now it was my sole escape. I went down and followed my regular routine, undressing myself before putting on his shirt.
He had left a book by the bedside, a Swedish book of course. Even though I couldn’t understand anything in it, I always looked through it whenever I felt lonely. On the margin he had written several notes, some in Swedish, but also in English. Apparently the female protagonist reminded him of me… It warmed me to know that he had thought of me. But then again, he had told me that while everybody had thought that I was dead during my year in fairy he had never given up. He knew I was still alive.
Persistent knocks to the front door brought me back to reality. My heart raced as I put the shirt back in the closet and went up the ladder. I felt two voids and quickly grabbed the can of silver spray I kept in handy. With the whole Hep V pandemic it was better safe than sorry. Looking through the curtain I sighed. Tara and Willa.
“Tara, Willa… Come on in! Did we have something planned?”
The two young baby-vamps – although Tara hated the expression, entered my house with smiles, but stopped suddenly and sniffed.
“What the fuck? He’s back? Where the fuck has he been? And is my sorry excuse of a Maker with him?”
“What? Who’s back?”
“Eric” said Willa. “It smells like him!”
Shit, the shirt… Of course it smelled like him. I hadn’t let anybody go down to the cubby since the whole Ben/Warlow fiasco and I hadn’t washed anything…
“Where is he, Sook? So I can drive a stake through his sorry Viking heart!”
“Relax, Tara… He’s not here… Neither is Pam… I… I was down in the cubby…”
“Don’t lie to me, Sook! The scent is fresh!”
She grabbed me by the wrist and sniffed me.
“You carry his smell! I can barely smell Lupo on you…”
Lupo, her nickname for Alcide. Seems like even though she had liked my boyfriend when she first met him, being now a vampire gave her an aversion for were.
“I was down in the cubby, Tara… And I was wearing his shirt! I was missing him and my so-called boyfriend, who is more and more of a jerk every day, is always away on pack businesses probably having three-way with she-weres!”
Tears were now falling down my cheeks. Willa, sweet young Willa, vamped through the room and brought me a box of tissue.
“I miss him, okay? I miss him more and more everyday and… I just miss him, you know?”
Red tears were now pooling in Willa’s eyes.
“I know it’s stupid… I’m with Alcide, I’m supposed to be happy, but… I miss Eric.”
For the first time in many months I finally said his name out loud. I felt as if a huge weight was lifted from my chest.
“Every full moon I do the same thing. I wait ‘till Alcide is gone then I spent most of the night down in the cubby, wearing his shirt. It’s the only way for me to feel close to him. I know you must miss him too, Willa. He’s your maker after all, but… With each months that pass, with each weeks, hell with each days, I miss him even more! And I realized how wrong I had been! He literally told me he loved me that last night… Oh he didn’t quite say the words, but what he told me… I told him I wanted to be the old Sookie again, the one who first walked into his bar, wearing a white dress. And him, he told me that for him I would always be that girl! And to thank him for saving my butt so many times, once he gave me back the farmhouse, I rescinded his invitation! Stupid, fucking, moronic Sookie!”
Willa took me in her arms and hugged me.
“It’s okay, Sookie. Of course you miss him.”
“Shit, Sook… You could have told me!”
“Really? You’re still so mad at him and Pam for leaving, not that I blame you…”
“But still, Sookie, you could have talked to us. If there’s people who could have understand what you’re going through then it’s us!”
I forced a smile. “How would you have reacted, Tara? What would you have said if I had told you about the dreams that have been plaguing me since he took off? How I see him burning in my dreams? It’s so real, Tara!”
Willa took my hand in hers and squeezed it.
“You don’t have to worry… He hasn’t met the True Death. I can still feel him, though the connection is very weak. And Tara can still feel Pam too!”
“I know he’s still alive, Willa… I don’t know how, but I know. What I don’t understand is why he hasn’t come back yet! Why he hasn’t come back to me… not that he owe me anything, but…”
Tara was fuming, mumbling an endless string of curses.
“You need to get out of here. Willa go pack some of her stuff.”
As if she was answering to a Maker’s command, Willa vamped to my bedroom and came back seconds later with a packed duffel bag.
“I can’t leave, Tara! I have to work tomorrow! And where would I go? And what about Alcide? I…”
“You can! With all that money Eric gave you when you went to Dallas it’s not as if you really need to work. And you’re coming with us, to our place in Shreveport. As for Lupo? He’s using you, just like you’re using him!”
I couldn’t really contradict her on that last point.
“At least let me write him a…”
“Leave him a note if you want, but we’re leaving. I’m calling Lafayette, you need a girls night in.”
I took a paper pad from the dining room and, sitting in the same spot where Eric had wrote his own note giving me back my house many months ago, I wrote my ‘Dear John’ letter to Alcide.
“It’s done?” asked Tara, putting her phone back in her jeans pocket.
I nodded. One last look at my living room and images filled my mind. Memories from before… But they weren’t the one I expected. Instead of the memories of my childhood spent in this house, I kept seeing me and Eric. Making out on the couch, making love by the fireplace…
“Come on, Sookie” softly said Willa.
“Yeah, tonight we’re getting you wasted, Sook. Tomorrow we’ll start looking for him.”
Yes, tomorrow. What was it that Scarlett said? Tomorrow is another day?
As we left the farmhouse and made our way toward Tara’s van, I felt as if someone was watching me. One look toward the cemetery and I had my answer. Bill was standing there, looking at me. I sighed and took my place in the car, not even looking back. It was time for me to turn the page. A new chapter awaited me.